Crazy times!

Sometimes things get a bit crazy around here!!!!

Like my Dad pretending a continental chocolate is a pretend eye!!!!

Or Benny regressing to his earlier days of kitten times and wanting to be a baby!

His protest for the travel cot to remain up even if we were no longer babysitting!!!

In the doll's pram!

Funny cat!!!

Sometimes I think we do well to remain as 'normal' and 'sane' as we are!!!!

A New Arrival!

We’ve been in preparation the past few weeks as my friend was expecting her second baby.  We were on call for her 2 year old daughter, if anything happened and she needed to speed to the hospital.

This new baby had other ideas, and didn’t come of her own accord but needed a little help from the hospital.  This meant we could be even more prepared for looking after their first little Miss.  So all little Miss’ belongings arrived at our house on Sunday and my friend went into hospital on the Monday morning to be induced.

Our job – Collect Lil’ Miss from nursery and care for her until Mammy came home from hospital. 



Best friends having a cuddle at the start of the day!



My friend was in hospital for two nights, with baby number 2 arriving late on 30^th April. 

Welcoming the new little addition – baby Eleanor.

We went to visit and Lutaaya doted on her.  I wasn’t sure she would like a small newborn, but once she had tried holding her and knew how to support her head, she just wouldn’t put her down.  No chance of me getting any cuddles, I can tell you.

I forget how much care Lutaaya gave to the younger children and babies at the home she grew up in.  I know she misses it madly and loves being with younger children.  She gets them, and they get her.  Seeing her with the baby made me appreciate all her strengths.  She is caring and loving.  She is a protector.  She accepts challenges and deals with any situation as best she can.  She is eager to learn new things. 

The sweetest cuddle photo ever!

Lutaaya refers to my friend as her Auntie, so her daughters are Lutaaya’s cousins. 

We don’t need a blood link to be family. 

We are family. 

I can’t wait to see how much fun these three girls get to have together in the years to come.

There’s a Queen in town!

On 27^th April Her Majesty, The Queen, visited our local area as part of her Jubilee tour.  Lutaaya was so excited that her class were some of the children going to line the streets for the Royal Visit.

As Uganda is a commonwealth country, the Queen is head there too.  Lutaaya knew just how influential and important this Royal lady is.  She was soooo, soooo excited about the day.

Getting ready for school in the morning and the excitement crept up.  When feelings get big for children who may not have felt them before it can lead to meltdown. 

Meltdown was about to hit our house.

I had the grumpiest, moodiest child E. V. E. R!

She just couldn’t cope with all that she felt inside.  She couldn’t explain she was excited, she didn’t know why her tummy ached or butterflies danced around in there.  It confused her and she showed it by shutting down.

We had little conversation, little eye contact, disrespect, poor attitude.  You name it, we had it, all in a matter of an hour!

Just what you need on the morning school run!

But as Lutaaya’s Mum, it’s my job to stop the meltdown.  It’s my role to help her understand feelings and emotions and all the niggles and aches that go on inside us. 

It would have been easier in Lutaaya’s world, if I had met her with a stern look, or angry words.  That’s how she thought she was feeling after all. 

But no,

This time I was going to do better for her and I was going to help her go to school and start her day happy.

So I waltzed around the house with a smile on my face.  I talked to her, even if she didn’t respond.  I put comments out there showing I could imagine she was nervous today and excited all at the same time and how I bet she had a feeling of butterflies in her tummy.  And then I had a breakthrough....

We sat in the car on the journey to school (car journey’s are great for conversations as there’s no uncomfortable eye contact when you’re driving) and I said,

‘You watch her mouth as she passes you today mind.’

‘Who’s mouth?’

‘The Queen’s mouth.’

‘What?  Why?’

‘You see what she says.’

‘What will she say?’

This conversation was getting too interesting for her not to ask any questions. 

‘She’ll say oh Look Phillip, there’s Lutaaya, Natasha’s daughter.  Remember?  Wave on her.  And then they’ll wave just at you.’

‘Oh Mam, shut up, she won’t say that.  How would she know you?’

‘She knows me.  I wrote to her once about Uganda, so she’ll definitely know you’re my daughter.  She wrote back too, I’ll show you the letter after school if you want.’

And with a big giggle, a huge smile and a goodbye kiss she left for school, as happy as can be.  Off to see our Queen.

She had a fantastic time, even in the rain.  She proudly waved her Welsh and British flags.  She had even practised what she would say if she got to meet the Queen face to face, her little sentence of, ‘Hello your Majesty, I’m very pleased to meet you.’  And she certainly was!

Look who’s got new specs?

A few weeks ago we finally got round to going to the opticians for an eye test.  When Lutaaya first came home, we did the doctor and dentist quite quickly.  In fairness to Lutaaya, she had to put up with a lot.  She had to play catch up on her childhood immunisations and also needed a couple of fillings.  I guess that comes down to a Ugandan treat of chewing on some sugar cane!!!

So we put the opticians on hold.  After all, there is only so much one little girl can take.

Now was the time for the eye test.

We talked a lot about going for the eye test and what it entailed.  I explained how the optician would come close and the room would probably be dark, but that he wouldn’t touch her, simply look into her eyes.  We chatted about the eye test and having to see things and call them out to show she could see things clearly.  We also talked about the chances of having glasses, which type and colour would she like, if the optician were to say she needed some. 

So off we go for the eye test.  I could tell once we were in the building that Lutaaya was a little apprehensive, as she usually is on new experiences.  She became quiet and fidgeted with her hands.  I kept reassuring her that she could deal with this and that at no point would any of it hurt. 

Soon enough, the man came out who would be our optician.  Lutaaya was asked to jump up in the big chair.  She sat there patiently as the optician asked lots of questions.  Some we could answer, and some we didn’t know.  And you know what?  Lutaaya was a gem.

She answered everything she could, she looked for reassurance on the things she didn’t know and she dealt with the eye test like a dream.  The optician said he couldn’t help laughing at her Welsh-Ugandan accent, that is definitely hinting towards more Welsh than Ugandan these days.  He asked her what she thought of Wales and asked me questions that only another adoptive parent would ask.  And then we realised, as he shared his story, that God not only blessed us with a wonderful optician, but one who also happened to be Dad to adopted children.  He shared how he had not only adopted once, but three times, and he told Lutaaya all about his daughters.  How amazing!  Out of all the opticians we could have gone too, even within this building, God knew which optician we needed to see.

So back to the title of the blog...................

Guess who has new specs?

Let's see!

ME!

Lutaaya was deemed as having perfect sight, and has no need for another eye test until at least 2 years.  She was thrilled to have PERFECT vision.  So yep - the specs came home with me!

School Fees = Prostitution

I want to share a story from one of my earlier trips to Uganda.  It was back in 2007 and I travelled with Mike and Allison from Caerphilly.  We had arranged to partner with a school/home for older children.  The home was made up of former street kids, all aged 13-20 years old. 

We’d been to this home before and done a lot of outreach work and football activities.  This year though I wanted to do more.  I wanted to use my skills as a youth worker to try and educate the young people, especially the girls, into living a safer lifestyle. 

The home is located on the Ugandan-Kenyan border.  When I go there, the place gives me a feeling of uneasiness.  Being a border town, there is a lot of coming and going.  Trucks line up along the road, waiting to pass through the border crossing.  People walk across the border, carrying goods, livestock, money and ultimately drugs.  There is a bad feel to the place.  There are drunks on the streets, a high police/guard presence and you feel like you’re vulnerable being there.  By night, the place comes to life even more.  The street sellers are out, the trucks park up for the night and there is a busyness to the town. 

It’s a depressing town. 

The immediate landscape is grey and dark.  On the horizon you see the Kenyan mountains and all their beauty, but here, you walk passed rubbish dumps and the smell in the air could make you sick.  Sewerage litters the sides of the roads.  One time, the heavens opened and the rain had no place to go other than the road and so we walked, up to our knees, in the water/sewerage flood.  

There are no street lights here so lose sunlight and you enter an abyss of darkness.  You walk as carefully as you can, trying to avoid the sewerage troughs at the side of the dirt track road, as well as keeping looking out for cows and goats, who casually walk next to you. 

Some nights you feel the only safe thing to do, is return to your room and lock the door.  Being out after dark here is not safe at all.

And yet, a few metres up the road live these children.  These children, for whom this is a daily reality.  These children, whose lives are deemed better now that they are ‘safe’ in this institution. 

The children here are certainly survivors.  They have to be to live here. 

In 2007 I decided to do some work with the young people here about safe relationships.  Aids is rife in this area, mainly due to the prostitution rates.  This seemed like a valuable life lesson for these young people to keep themselves and others safe.

And so we started our workshops.  We started off in a light-hearted manner.  Relationships of any kind were frowned upon by the home staff.  Young people could be disciplined severely for showing an interest in someone of the opposite sex.  We had to build up a trust with these young people before they would start opening up and talking to us.  We knew there were relationships as we had stayed amongst the young people one night, and had caught glimpses of hand holding and young people sneaking from their rooms to meet up with others.  The staff could deny them this right by any means, but these young people know how to work a system.  They have already lived through more than any of us could imagine.  They knew how to meet up in secret.  They knew how to avoid getting caught.  Ultimately they were teenagers, with feelings and emotions inside them that they wanted to pursue. 

So we built their trust by making the ideal boyfriend and girlfriend.  We chalked around one girl and one boy on the dusty floor, and then let them start designing.  The girls and boys split in to smaller groups to focus on their perfect partner.  It was wonderful to hear them be teenagers, to giggle and snigger and shout and get embarrassed.  They laughed so hard as they thought of physical features they would want.  The mood quietened when we turned our attention to the things inside; personality, character, beliefs, morals.  They had such brilliant discussions around this.  It was amazing to see them drop their guard and talk openly about relationships they knew of or had had.

The following day we returned and I held a workshop just for the girls.  Mike took the boys to play football and it seemed the perfect time to see the girls alone.  Mike also instilled in the boys the value of relationships.  Him and Allison modelled their own marriage and parenting of their own three children, to share remarkable stories with the young people.  (Not for you to think the boys were forgotten about).

Mike and Allison in Uganda 2007 - My Maama and Papa in Uganda

The girls were eager to attend.  (At this point I could digress to all manner of topics the girls raised.  For this blog I will recall only one.)  They were all forthcoming with questions and examples.

We played a quiz, where the girls had to answer the questions by standing in either the true part of the room or the false part.  They LOVED this and it brought out so much to discuss later.

I was fascinated by their answers.  The thing that stuck me the most was how against prostitution and sex before marriage they were.  Abstinence is advocated so much in Uganda, I really had this feeling that it had reached these girls and they were abstaining and ultimately stopping unwanted pregnancies, transmitting HIV and inevitably preventing more babies being abandoned.  Me in my little naive world I guess!?! 

A typical Ugandan poster for young people

Then reality hit......

Question – It is ok to have sex with a man if he gives you money you need for school fees.  True or false?

There was no thinking it over time, they all ran to which side of the room they wanted to be in!

They all ran to:

TRUE!

It was a case of let them explain their answer and then educate, educate, educate.

Not one of the girls thought of this as prostitution but as a means for getting a better life.

My heart literally broke there and then.

They had their priorities right!

They knew education was the key to a successful life.

They were prepared to give ALL of themselves for this opportunity.

If no one provided school fees they would find them by whatever means possible.  If that meant prostituting themselves, then that is what they would do.  They saw the light at the end of the tunnel.  That light was success in education, leading to a job, leading to a home and leading to a comfortable life.

These girls were in such a vulnerable situation, based solely on circumstances, that they would risk their future for the BIGGER picture in their eyes.  They would use the only thing they had to get what they felt they needed. 

Not one had contemplated getting HIV/AIDS from this sexual encounter.  Not one had considered their safety in terms of being attacked or raped.  Not one had taken into account how they would cope with an unwanted pregnancy. 

These girls then shared with us how this happens all the time in this area.  You see those trucks that I mentioned at the beginning of this blog? – well those drivers are stranded on the border most nights.  The trucks stop literally across the road from the home.  There are no fences or barriers stopping access between the truck drivers and the girls.  Need I say more?

These beautiful girls make this choice to get the things they need. 

Another ‘wonderful’ disadvantage of being institutionalised. 

They may have school fees partly paid for by sponsorship programmes, but there are other things that the costs don’t cover.  There are no parents they can go and ask for some money off.  There is no extended family they can go too.  There are few jobs available to them. 

They HAVE only one choice.

One choice they shouldn’t have to make.

One choice that could literally change their future forever.

These girls deserve so much more than this one choice.  They are entitled to so many choices, according to the UNCRC, but who’s there for them?  Who makes sure they know these rights?  Who enforces the rights? Who can speak on their behalf?  Who bothers to listen? 

You do the sums:

POVERTY = VULNERABILITY

POVERTY = LACK OF CHOICES

POVERTY = RISK TAKING

POVERTY = BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF!

+ INSTITUTIONALISATION = ?????

Vulnerable women – easy prey!

So my holiday to Cuba opened my eyes to the plight of women in vulnerable situations.

I’m no historian and don’t know all there is to know about Cuban culture, but Cuban life can be difficult.  It can be hard.

Cuba is run as a communist country.  The people have little freedom and are expected to conform to the laws of the land.  I guess we all have to abide by the law of the land to a certain degree but for Cubans, this makes opportunities a little more complicated.  The education system in Cuba is amazing.  The country provides state of the art education and continues right through to university level.  So most Cubans you meet will have studied to degree level or further.  Unfortunately, due to the way the country is run, people are no better off in pursuing the job that accompanies their qualifications.

You see, our friend, is a qualified engineer.  His job, you would think, would be working for an engineering company?  His certificate of engineering is displayed proudly in the family home.  But no, our friend is a manager in a hotel. 

In fact, most people opt to work in the tourism industry because they can earn more money.

It is quite surreal when a qualified doctor could be the man cooking your breakfast, or a scientific researcher could be cleaning your room.

You see, the government wants everyone to be equal.  They hand out rations for every Cuban to receive flour, oil, sugar and some other things.  No one goes without, but also no one has any means of getting any more. 

Until recently, leaving Cuba has also been restricted (opportunities are appearing now for people to find work in other countries).  So whether you’re a doctor or a cleaner, you get an equal measure of essentials.  But Cuba has a BIG source of income from tourists.  Cubans being the bright and intelligent people that they are, have seen this as an amazing opportunity.  Qualified professionals turned to working in tourism to access tips and ‘gifts’ from the tourists.  In the past we have taken toys for the children, school equipment, sweets, toiletries, etc. 

Most Cubans are very hard working people, but some young girls have become prey!

Within just our hotel, during the fortnight we were there I saw so many young girls being taken advantage of.  Now cast your minds back to little Aniella.  She will one day be a beautiful young lady.  Imagine her beauty in a young girl late teens or early twenties.  No matter how hard she works at school/university her life choices are limited.

Or are they?

You see there are quite a lot of men suddenly descending on Cuba.

Men seeking out Cuba’s beautiful women.

These men will give these vulnerable young girls all the material needs they desire.  They open up a world of opportunities for these young women.

But at what cost?

The young girls are escorting these men for the time of their vacation.  They live life to the full in a 5* hotel.  They are dined lavishly and showered with gifts.

But these young girls are being pimped.

These young girls are in such a vulnerable position. 

These young girls are being used.

These young girls are becoming prostitutes.

The Cuban people are aware of this growing trend.    And it struck me as sad when one of our Cuban friends had lost all sympathy for these girls, thinking they had chosen an easy way of getting the good things out of life.

But is this a good way of getting something out of life?  Should these girls need to prostitute their bodies to get the material things they desire?

Who is there to raise awareness for these vulnerable young women?  Who is there to raise awareness to the Cuban government that this is happening RIGHT NOW?  Who is there to shout from the rooftops that these girls are being taken advantage of?  Who is there to ask the outside world to help?

Mercy for Mamas on Mother's Day

While in Uganda I met a lady called Melissa.  We only met briefly but I feel I know her so well through her blog.  Her adoption story of her little girl Mercy was a little out of the ordinary and she spent many months in Uganda waiting for little Mercy's VISA so they could fly home.

Now back in the USA, Melissa has set up a fundraising blog in honour of Mercy's birth mom, who sadly died during Mercy's birth.  You can read all about Melissa and her new work, called Mercy for Mama's at http://www.mercyformamas.com/ 

This new initiative buys a simple care package that saves lives.  The video below is taken off Melissa's blog and explains everything much better than I ever could.  The cost of each care package is $7 (roughly £5).  The mama kit contains things we take for granted, but it saves birth mom's lives and helps deliver new borns into our world safely.  It is such a precious gift to these women.

I know you may never meet these women, but from giving £5, you KNOW you helped bring a new baby into the world safely.  What a wonderful gift and privilege to us who can give.

So, this Mothering Sunday, why not spend £5 in honour of your Mum, Grandmother, or any other special lady in your life, and buy a mama kit?  What a wonderful legacy to know you brought a baby safely into the world.  And for such little cost.

You can donate directly through the site, or if you'd like to send your's along with mine, and see me, feel free to pass me for £5 and you have my word that it will go to the cause and buy a mama kit for a very needy mama in Uganda.

Happy Mothering Sunday all you Mum's out there!